Woes of the Unloveable
by KomodoDags
Summary: A very confused Velma Staplebot is subject to Business' drunk confessions. Just a One-shot, please R/R!


"Oh, Velma! Hello, I was just thinking about you~"

The female android stepped into the over-sized office, looking directly at her boss. Instantly her sensors located faint traces of alcohol and she adjusted herself to stare blankly at the tall bottle on the desk in front of her, completely empty.

She then looked back up, "_I WAS CALLED, SIR."_

"Yes…" Business traced a finger along his chair, eyeing her, "Velma, you've been a part of Octan for years, practically holding the details together. I know I don't thank you enough, so I would like to do that!" He beamed, standing up and making his way over to her.

She stood perfectly still as he swooped behind her and placed a hand on each of her shoulders, "Now, let's cut to the chase. We've shared passing glances before and I see it in your eyes…the way you look at me."

"_PROCESSI-"_

"Shshsh…" He placed a finger on her metallic lips, "Don't speak, just listen. I myself have always had a kind of…_fondness_ for you. But more recently it's been a _passion."_ He stared searchingly into her glowing red eyes, "Am I being too forward? I don't want to confuse you."

Programming struggling to find reason in this nonsense, she answered waveringly, "_CONTINUE, SIR."_

Encouraged by the prompt to continue, he gently grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards his desk, "First, lemme do one little thing…" He let go of her and snatched up a rectangular device on his desk, "Do you like music, Velma?"

"_YES, SIR." _Rule number 4553: always say 'yes' to the boss if it would please him.

He jammed his thumb against the right corner of it and instantly the lulling sound of a saxophone drifted into the room through the surrounding speakers, "More importantly, do you like MY kind of music?"

"_OF COURSE, SIR."_

He set the device down and stepped back up next to her, "I thought you would!" He stayed silent for a moment, watching her intently and hoping she could feel his thoughts through his selection of song. The lighter tone twisted down slowly into a sadder sounding break.

Velma stayed still, processors still trying to understand the purpose of all this.

Business swore he saw a glimmer of a smile on her generally unmoving face and made his move. He stood directly in front of her and took both of her hands in his own, "Care to join me? You know how to dance, right?"

He had, in fact, programmed her to know over three hundred various kinds of moves, "_YES, SIR." _

"Alright, then! We're all set." He began to pull her along in his own imaginary romantic dance. She went along, copying his movements as best as her sensory would let her.

Business didn't seem to notice the obvious lack of rhythm in his drunken state, "I would like…to tell you something very important. I mean, almost everything that comes out of my mouth IS obviously very important, but this is extra special." He tried, and failed, to spin her as she went rigid upon attempt.

"_WHAT IS IT, SIR?" _Her files were scrambling to find out why her boss was behaving in such a way and what he really wanted. Her listening process went 100% online, wanting to understand why he had called her here.

"I…" The President of Octan was having no hard time expressing himself and he leaned in a little closer to her, "I love you, Velma~"

Before she had the time to comprehend the exact meaning of those words, the man did yet another unexplainable thing. He pressed his lips into her stiff ones for a moment…then another moment, before pulling away.

Her head tilted back vaguely, utterly confused by this point. A strangely awkward minute passed and she wondered if she was allowed to leave the vicinity to get back to work.

Business' dreamy smile faded somewhat as she did not react at first, "Wait a minute…is there something you're not telling me?"

Apparently the man was not finished speaking; she re-focused on him and took note on how his brow was furrowing in such a way that made him seem…angry?

"There's someone ELSE, isn't there?!" He looked horrified as he pushed way from her, one hand grasping at his chest. The look he thought he saw on her face told him everything, "Who is it? It's not Badcop, is it? Be-because first of all I'm TALLER than him, and I have _way _more stuff!"

"_SIR-"_

"No! No." He waved a hand disgustedly in her direction, "I've had enough of your lies. You think my heart is something to toy with, but it's not!" He sniffed before pounding his fist down on the player on his desk. The music cut short, "Oh, Velma…how could you?" He sat back and covered his eyes.

She had no idea how she could have, "_MAY I LEAVE, SIR?"_

He looked between his fingers, "Yes, yes, if that's what you want…but keep in mind that someday-"She began to leave when he said 'yes', causing him to raise his voice, "SOMEDAY YOU'LL FALL FOR ME AND YOU'LL REGRET THIS!"

The doors shut and he was left alone again to scheme on how to win her non-existent heart. This wasn't the first time he'd tried, after all.


End file.
